Just Give Up

I give up.

I giiiiiiive up.

I am tired of thinking and trying and over analyzing and pushing…I’m tired of my mind doing over-time, trying to work out my situation. It’s exhausting. I’m worn out. I can feel the stress, the tense muscles in my jaw and in my shoulders. I can sense it in my behavior and my attitude. And I. Give. Up.

I’ve gotten to this place multiple times before. God shows himself, I see a big movement on the other side of my mountain and then suddenly…nothing. And when the nothing appears I over analyze. My mind takes things into it’s own hands and tries to work out the when and why and how and who.

God brings me to this place on purpose. I can see it being his way of making me let go, making me realize that I actually have no control. It’s a place where I feel hopeless and helpless and the looming impossibility is overwhelming. And I believe that this is exactly where God wants me to come so I can fully surrender to him. It’s where I realize that this is the only answer; complete surrender and defeat of self.

The fact is, I can’t do what I’m doing by myself. There is no possible way I can accomplish what God is asking me to do unless he, almost literally, carries me through it. And this doesn’t just apply to people who are waiting for their husbands to return or standing for their crumbled marriages, but it applies to anything and everything that God is asking us to do. Nothing can be done unless he is the complete centre of it.

That’s why, I believe, when you are trying to accomplish something on your own God just sits back and allows you to try…”Go ahead,” he says “You do what you think you have to do. Then you’re done struggling and pushing and forcing and controlling, you can rest and see how much easier it would have been if you had just allowed me to take over.”

It’s grace that get’s us to this point. Grace that allows us to see how completely inadequate we are but that it doesn’t matter.

Grace is realizing that nothing we can do will work as well as moving aside for our Savior.

So I’m done. I’m done pushing and forcing. I’m done worrying and wondering. But what I’m not done doing is what God as asked me to do. I’m not done waiting on God’s promises. I’m not done trusting that he knows what he is doing. I’m not done seeing God work in ways I had no idea were possible. I’m not done waiting for God to show up. I’m not done seeing the miracles that God is preforming.

And when Satan tempts me to give up, you know what I’ll tell him? I’ll tell him that I will give up, I’ll give up my plans, give up my expectations and I will step aside. Because when I step aside, God steps in and when God steps in he shows up in a power I could never have on my own. When I give God the space to work, he works. And when he works mountains crumble, demons are defeated and victory is won. So yeah, I’ll give up alright. But watch out Satan, because you and your lies are going to hell in a hand basket.

 

Are You Pretending?

Are you living for God or just pretending?

I look back on my life and realize that for the majority of it, I was keeping God at a distance. He was a part of my life. But just a part. He was there, but just on the sidelines. And, at the time, I saw nothing wrong with this. Why should I pray about what job God wanted me in? I would make the decision and, obviously, since God knows everything, it would be in his plan. He would have known ahead of time what decision I would make and, therefore, it was all just up to my choices. Right?

I was a Christian, I went to church, I prayed often, but it was more like I was talking to God and not talking with God. He was basically my Genie In A Bottle (link to Christina Aguilera’s music video…just kidding). He was a Being I called on when I needed help and when I didn’t need help, he was a very distant thing.

Not only did I not see anything wrong with this way of living out my Christian walk, I saw many things wrong with the opposite way of living out a Christian walk. I heard of people who asked God what he wanted them to do in the daily, no-brainer, decisions (what job to work at, who to date, where to go for lunch, IF they should go for lunch…) and I thought this was ridiculous. These people didn’t have their own brains, God created us with freewill for a reason, they were too weak, they were too dependent.

I actually don’t remember thinking that I should try it their way, I just remember my mindset: They’re stupid, I’m not, I’ll do it my way. Brutal.

My mom always told me I had to learn things the hard way. She was rolling her eyes when she said this, just like I’m shaking my head as I write this.

When I assess my Christian walk, I realize that I used to pretend to be a Christian. I was going through all the motions but there was no change of heart, barely anything different about me than a non-believer, and certainly no passion for the Lord. If someone had asked me “Do you love God?” I would have said “Yes, of course!” but inside me the words “But no one is actually in love with God” would repeat themselves.

The dictionary’s definition of ‘Christian’ is: “a person who has received Christian baptism or is a believer in Jesus Christ and his teachings.” Was I a believer of Jesus Christ’s teachings? I would have said I was.

In Mark 10:21 Jesus tells a rich man to go sell everything he has and then he will have riches in Heaven. He tells the man to do this, and then to come follow him. I was a believer and a follower of Jesus, but there’s no way I would have been willing to sell everything I had for him…

Matthew 16:25 says that whoever loses his life will gain it. There was no way, when push came to shove, that I would be willing to give up my…anything…for God. Give up your life? God isn’t really asking you to do that…

God will provide whatever you need, clothes, food…whatever it is, he will provide. But you need to get a job, make sure you’re earning good money, advance in that job, make sure it’s one you’re passionate about. And if you don’t do this, you’re lazy. God will help those who help themselves. Right? Um, no. Not what the Bible teaches, actually. Check it out in Matthew 6:26. (As a side note, I Googled “God will help those who help themselves” and…well…Go Google it, see where this saying stems from…).

If I was really, truly, living a Christian walk, loving God and believing his commands, why was I not living like I believed him? Why was I nodding my head to his teachings but yet my thoughts were whispering something different? Why weren’t my actions reflecting what I was telling the world (ok, not the world, but a select few, which in itself should have been a clue)?

I was pretending I believed what I had been taught since I was born, but really, I didn’t actually believe God would do what he said he would do.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”

Matthew 11:28

No, actually, what I need is a good nap, not some “quality time” with a God I rarely hear from.

If only I had taken the time to just try what the Bible was telling me! If only I had taken that quality time with God instead of the nap. I would have realized that the rest God is talking about goes deeper than just resting my eyes. It satisfies and stills the very depth of my soul. The root of my foundation is quieted. My need is met, not just temporarily satisfied with a band-aid.

I don’t want to pretend anymore. If God says move, I will move. If he says speak, I will speak. I have learned, the hard way, that when God tells you something he will follow you until you are obedient. And it’s not just because he wants you to listen to him, it’s because he knows that when you do listen to him, it will quench that hunger you feel inside.

I don’t want to pretend anymore! I want to see God work! I want to see his power in my life! I know now that when God is telling you to do something, all you have to do is take that one step of obedience and he will allow everything else to fall into place. He will do all the work.

Do you want to pretend you’re living for God, or do you actually want to do it?

You can start by opening your Bible daily. It’s just one simple step. God will cause a hunger in you that isn’t based on emotions but based on necessity. You will learn to crave him as you press into him.

Do it, I dare you.

Fasting No. 2

Fasting is similar to our relationship with God: It’s so simple it seems complicated. It involves a lot of trust, to just simply give up an item and trust that God is working. It’s so simple that I started thinking there had to be more to it, but there’s not. God simply asks us to give something up and he will do the rest.

Every single time I fast, it’s different. Sometimes the days speed past, sometimes they go slowly, sometimes I have amazing time with God, other times this is more of an effort, sometimes I feel like I could go days without eating a meal, and other times the line “bigger fish to fry” makes me drool…Every time is different, but I believe that’s because every spiritual battle is different. There are times where I see answers to prayer immediately, and others when I don’t see the result of that fast until months later.

Whatever happens: It IS doing something!

Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.

Hebrews 11:1

 

God’s word does not return void! When he says to pray and fast, there is a reason. If you are feeling prompted to fast, take it seriously. There is a reason your spirit is putting this on your heart, there is a purpose!

So is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

Isaiah 55:11

 

It’s important to make specific time to spend with God while you are fasting. If you are going through something big, or have something that is heavy on your heart, spend this time praying intentionally for these things. Find verses that apply to what you are going through, verses that fill you with hope and ones that remind God of his promises. Even after the time you set aside for God each day, remember to pray for your case while you go about your day. You are doing battle, so be persistent and fight!

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Philippians 4:6

 

When I ‘come down’ after a fast, I usually feel tired, discouraged, weak. I’m trying to get better at reminding myself that these feelings are normal for this period of time, but that is a work in progress. Satan will try to attack you when you complete a fast. He will lie to you, tell you that it was meaningless, and remind you of how impossible your situation is. You just tell him to go back where he came from! Even after you’ve completed a fast, the spiritual battle is still happening.

Many articles that I have read about Christian fasting have said that spiritual movement and answers to prayer will typically show themselves in the first three days after you break your fast and this is exactly what I have found. Even though I have seen this happen over and over again, I’m still surprised when it does. God is so faithful, he wants to bless us and he is ready and eager to hear our prayers! God is working in absolutely every part of your life in order to bring you closer to him and bring blessings to you. Keep talking to him and he will keep talking to you!

I have been amazed at the answers to prayer I have seen from fasting! Sometimes it happens the day I break my fast, but more often than not it’s within three days. Once it was months later that I had news of a huge event happening while I had been fasting. However you hear of things happening because of your fast, remember, it doesn’t matter! I know it’s easier said than done, especially when hunger (do you get the ‘hangries’ too??) is involved, but we are fasting to be obedient to God and not to see a result. There will be a result, fasting is powerful and effective, but that is God’s business and not ours. Our business is to be obedient regardless of the outcome.

If fasting has been on your heart, pray about it, research it, and do what you can. If you’re wanting to do spiritual battle, fasting is an incredible way to take it a step further. Just remember that you don’t need to do it a certain way because that is how you’ve heard of other Christians doing it. This process is between you and God and as long as you are health conscious, it doesn’t matter how other people have done it. Doing it one way or another is not going to make you closer or further away from God.

 

Fasting No. 1

Fasting. It seems like this is something that is surrounded by questions. How does it work??

Put simply, fasting is humbling yourself before God and opening spiritual doors. It is showing God that you are willing to sacrifice in order to see him work. And through fasting, you will see him work! Fasting is powerful, even if it isn’t fully understood.

There are many types of this sacrifice; many people choose to fast select items, others choose to give up all food and do a juice or water fast, both usually for a predetermined amount of time.

I had never thought of fasting until a couple years ago. It was something I had heard bits of information about, but I wasn’t interested. I thought that it was just something the weirdo’s did. I didn’t want to go all crazy with this Christian Faith stuff, I just wanted to be a Christian.

But when God came and flipped my world inside out, things changed. He put it on my heart to fast for three days before a big event, just like Esther, and so I decided to fast all food for these three days. I went out and bought organic fruit and vegetable juices so I would be prepared and I researched the art of fasting, both from a spiritual and health standpoint.

The three days went more smoothly than I had thought they would. Although I felt hungry, I didn’t feel deprived. I wasn’t drained and barely walking, like I had imagined I might be. When I did start eating again there were two sensations I noticed right away 1) I almost felt guilty for breaking my fast and 2) My stomach couldn’t hold as much food as I wished it could.

Since my first fast, I have done many others. Sometimes I’ve fasted for longer, sometimes I’ve only fasted particular items or types of food (Popcorn. if you know me you’ll understand that giving up popcorn is a big one for me…seriously…). I only fast when I feel like God is asking me to and I make sure that when I do fast, my mind is in the right place. There have been times where I’ve thought of fasting in order to lose weight and this is when I don’t fast. Fasting, at this time in my life, is not about weight and when my mind goes there I know that I need to protect myself from an unhealthy thought process. Fasting is spiritual. When I am not focused on doing this for God and God alone, I don’t even let my mind think about it.

So we fasted and petitioned our God about this, and he answered our prayer.

Ezra 8:23

The Bible talks about ‘fasting and praying’ many times. Queen Esther told her people to do a three day fast before she presented herself to her King and husband and Daniel also fasted for three weeks.

There is a level of spirituality that is released when you fast. It is a way to do spiritual battle on top of your prayer life. Not only is fasting powerful in the sense that it is a way to do spiritual battle, but it also allows you to rely more fully on God. I believe that this reliance leads to a more intimate relationship with our Savior. Not only because, yes, you are more dependent on him, but also because you are showing trust in him working in your life. Because of this trust and surrendering, you will see him work. Actually seeing God work and answer prayer will build on your relational foundation with him. There is nothing more satisfying or humbling than seeing answered prayer.

From what I’ve seen, fasting is not something that is frequently discussed in the Christian circles and from what I’ve seen, the power I have seen released because of my fasting, I believe it needs to be. Fasting should be a regular occurrence in a Christian’s walk with the Lord. The bible mentions fasting together with prayer often and so it makes me wonder why we have taken the white-out to that part of our faith.

Fasting is spiritual battle and Satan will sense it. He will try to push back, to tempt you and discourage you. But the more you feel this, the more you can have faith that you are doing the right thing. Satan pushes when he feels a threat, and ladies, let’s show this guy that he has something to be afraid about! Our God has power and strength and is already standing in victory, let’s do whatever we can in order to win these battles and stand beside our God!

 

Slow It Down

I’ve been learning a lot in the past couple years about how to slow. down. God has brought me to a place and pace where I am fully dependent upon him.

I used to be a Charger. I would get an idea in my head and just do it. If I had to wait for something I was instantly frustrated and anxious. I was like this with buying things, with life plans and goals, with jobs and with my social life. I rushed forward in everything. Taking the time to consider if it was the best idea would nearly kill me. If I couldn’t do something immediately there was a knot in my stomach and my mind was constantly reminding me that I was missing out.

While I was running away from my marriage and from God, my life was rush rush rush.The schedule went a bit like this:

• 6:00am Workout
• 8:00am – 4:30pm First Job
• 5:00pm – 10:00pm (or 11pm, 12am…1am…) Second Job
• Social Life whenever I could squeeze it in
• Boyfriend somewhere in there
• Family on some Sundays

 This schedule was five days a week, if not six, and when I wasn’t working I was trying to maintain a social life, family life with my sister, brother in law and niece, and somehow fit a relationship in there. Mornings I wasn’t working I would still aim to go for a run or to the gym or to yoga…I couldn’t relax enough to even sleep in.

I rushed around, I conquered, I accomplished.

And still, I was restless. There was something that just wasn’t connecting the dots. Something was missing. It was frustrating! I was doing all I could do! I was doing everything I wanted to do!

Be still and know that I am God.

Psalm 46:10

If you are unable to be still, there is something wrong. I realize there is the scheduling and the attention that families need and just can’t be avoided, but if your schedule is to busy to fit in time with God, you are filling your schedule to full. If, when you do make time for God, your spirit is restless and anxious, you are to busy.

God gave me everything I thought I wanted. I traveled, I had a man that fit my criteria, I had a social life that was fun and constant, I had a cute little condo and jobs that I had only dreamt of before. But still…I wasn’t able to be still. I wasn’t satisfied, my insides were churning, I wasn’t content…

And then God came and stole my heart. I turned to him and gave up everything I thought I wanted and it was exactly what I needed.

Now, life isn’t an anxious striving towards happiness. It’s a peaceful and constant surrendering towards a relationship with God. It’s simple, but not always easy. It’s reminding myself that even though the world pounds you on the head with messages of accomplishment, education, financial success, fitness and fashion and popularity…That simple is better. Resting and being peaceful with God is exactly what our spirits need.

God doesn’t want us to be busy, he doesn’t want us to be anxious. He wants us to be peaceful and restful in his presence. To develop a relationship with him. To spend time with him. It was only when I started to do this that the deepest part of my soul became still. That’s the only way I can describe it. The very root of me, my soul, was at home when I was in community with God. When I cut out all the unnecessary rush, I felt like I was where I was supposed to be.

If God speaks in a gentle whisper, how are we supposed to hear him when our lives are busy and full of noise?

Action Plan:

• Start Small. When can you set aside five minutes to spend with God? Write it on your calendar, put a reminder in your phone. Take specific, intentional, time with God. Create a plan to make this time consistent.
• What is one thing you can cut out of your schedule in order to slow your pace of life down?

 The world tells us that in order to be successful and feel whole, we need to stretch ourselves thin. But what our souls are aching for is a place where we can sit and give up our worries and be still.