Yesterday, as I worshiped in church, I closed my eyes and saw myself in front of God. There was complete love and pleasure in his expression as he looked down on me, “My girl, my beautiful one” he said, a warm smile across his face and his eyes twinkling. I was draped with something, something that covered my sins, my imperfections and my humanity and because of that covering, I was sinless and blameless in God’s eyes.
I needed that reminder. I’ve really been struggling with self-image lately. Unworthiness. I’ve felt undeserving of God’s love and attention and it’s been a struggle to remember that through everything, he adores me and thinks that I am beautiful.
The pastor hit on this as well; why is it so much easier for us to think of God loving others unconditionally, but when we look at God loving US like that, we question it?
The image of God looking at me with such gentleness and love started the tears. I have to admit, I love crying in front of God. It feels good and safe to be vulnerable in front of him like that. But why, when I think of his love for little old me, does it bring me to tears so easily? Why is it so shocking to remember that he is in love with me?
I know my thoughts, I know my actions, I know my disobedience, I feel the disappointment I am to others, I know where I fall short, I know my imperfections. We are our worst critic. That’s probably why. We look at others with rose colored glasses, for the most part. We don’t see what they don’t want to show us. So it’s easier to think that God would love the someone they choose to present to the world.
Close your eyes. Ask God to show you what he thinks of you. Imagine yourself standing in front of him and his eyes, so filled with love and joy as he looks at you, his beloved one. Allow yourself to meditate on his pleasure of you for a moment. Soak it in. Feel it. Enjoy it.
He has a plan. You can’t screw it up. He created you just the way you are and he loves every part of you.