Staying In Love. It’s the title of a book I just noticed on a website and it got my wheels turning. I’m sure this is a great book, this isn’t about the book, it’s about where the title made my thoughts go.
Because of my situation, I grates on me when people make comments like “well, sometimes the love just goes away”, or “sometimes a couple just falls out of love” or even “some people are just not meant to be together”. From personal experience I can tell you that “falling out of love” isn’t something that just happens in a marriage. It’s a slow, intentional process where satan lies to the individual continually and they begin to accept the lies. It’s a falling IN love. In love with themselves. Their pleasure, their happiness, their comfort. It’s a loss of sight on God and his plan and instructions and obedience to him. It’s selfish ambition. No one ever really falls out of love with their spouse, they hit a period where the lies overtake the promises and commands of God and the only way they see fit to deal with it is to leave the relationship.
God is love. He is the true definition of love and his character is exactly that, perfect love. God is patient, God is kind, God does not envy, God does not boast, God is not proud, God is not rude, God is not self-seeking, God is not easily angered, God keeps no record of wrongs. God does not delight in evil, but rejoices in the truth. God always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. God never fails. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)
So if God is love, then when we fall out of love we are falling out of God. When love fades, we’ve allowed God to fade. When love goes away, we’ve allowed ourselves to go away from God.
God needs to be the center, the complete focus, of our marriage. Every step needs to be with the intention to worship and glorify God. When we have a decision to make, we need to turn to God for answers and direction. When we do something for our spouse, we need to realize that we are doing it for God as well. When we choose NOT to do something for our spouse, we need to realize that we are choosing NOT to do something for God.
What if we replaced the word “Love” with “God” whenever we thought about our spouse? I wonder if that would change our view a bit.
“I’m in God with my husband.” Ok so it’s not perfect English, but you know what I’m getting at. Are you in God, in the bible, in worship to our God, with your husband?
“I love my husband” equals “God loves my husband”.
How would our view change if we automatically thought of the word “Love” being another word for “God”?
In order for love not to fade in our marriage, we can’t allow our relationship with God to fade. In order to not fall out of love with our spouse, we can’t allow ourselves to fall out of love with God. God is the be-all-end-all. If he is not the focus and point of your marriage, it will not flourish. If God is not the center of your life, it will be directionless.
If your marriage is strained, if your husband is distant, if your attention is wandering, adjust your focus to God. Look to him for everything; strength, love, fulfillment, attention. When you do this, I guarantee your marriage will start to look different. When you change your focus in life from being “What can I get out of life” to “What can I do for God with my life”, your purpose will start to be accomplished and you will go about everything differently. God will start to work in your life and you will start to feel more at peace with yourself.
God is love. Staying in love isn’t about staying in love, it’s about staying in God. Trust me, if your married life is suffering, it’s because your relationship with God is suffering.