Satan was once an angel. A servant of God. But when he decided to pursue his own interests, he fell from his place in heaven and became an enemy of God. He, not so suddenly, I’m sure, realized that he didn’t have to focus on the Creator but that he could create his own life and make his own decisions and follow his own rules.

Satan is a liar(John 8:44), he is uncaring, crass, rude, selfish, unsatisfied, a wanderer, a tempter…obviously there are more characteristics to satan, but these are a few. Weirdly they are actually words that could be used to describe me while I was running away from my own purpose in Christ. Connection? You betcha.

He who is not with me is against me…

Matthew 12:30

I made the intentional decision to take my life into my own hands, to walk away from God’s purpose for my life; to walk away from his instructions, laws and direction for every Christian. I felt at the time that my plan was better than his. His plan didn’t make sense to me, so I went with what did – walking away from my marriage into the life that I “knew” would make me satisfied and happy. My focus became myself. My happiness. My fulfillment. My enjoyment. My fun.

If you are not for God, you are against him.

If you are not living for God…you are living for….?

The longer I lived in my selfish life, the more frustrated I got. The more crass I became. The more tempted I was to try new forms of entertainment. The easier it was to think of being with other men. The more unsatisfied I was with my living conditions. The more argumentative I was. The more selfish I was. Satans characteristics were slowly becoming mine. And I was completely oblivious to it. Just like the frog that slowly, unknowing, boils to death, I was slowly being tricked into this deadly lifestyle.

Satan fell from heaven when he pursued his own interests.

When you pursue your own interests, you will fall from your own heaven. Not the Heaven that God resides in, your place in God’s kingdom is not something you will lose your place in although you will be accountable for every action you take. But you will fall from your rightful place in life. Happiness will elude you and satisfaction will always be an unattainable goal. Following your own path and interests, your own plan, will never lead to that feeling of wholeness and happiness like satan would like you to think.

You might be convinced that there is no way that being obedient to God could lead to your happiness. You might be like I was, in a place of darkness, frustration beyond what you thought was possible. You might be feeling trapped, lost, depressed…You might have a plan for a way out, a plan you “know” will lead to your happiness and peace…finally! Trust me, I’ve been there. I’ve pursued my own life. I’ve left my husband. I’ve drank like a fish. I’ve slept around. I’ve flirted around. I’ve cursed and told beyond disgusting jokes. I “knew” for a fact that being these things was being who I was really supposed to be. But in the end, after I chased after these things and fell from my own heaven…I realized that all these things were a lie. My wholeness wasn’t found in anything but God’s plan. And when I looked back at the destruction in my wake, I realized that I was only just becoming more and more like God’s enemy. I wasn’t whole, I was troubled. I wasn’t satisfied, I was lost.

And satan thinks he’s won this battle. He looks at poor little Katie and laughs when he sees that she has nothing to her name and her husband isn’t with her. But what he refuses to acknowledge is that God turns curses into blessings, what satan has used against me, God is turning to use for me, and satan will be crushed under my God’s feet (Romans 16:20)! My situation will be turned around to give glory to God and bring so many people to God’s kingdom. Satan will see how miniscule he is compared to the power my God has. He is a created being and the God of God’s, satans Creator, will show him who’s boss and will destroy him.

We might be fooled by satan for a while. We might deny that it is his presence in our lives and his voice in our head. But God will grab us back and show us that his glory reigns. He is who the only presence that will fill us so full it can’t even be described. Satan’s characteristics are nothing compared to God’s.

Our interests will only lead us down the wrong path, they’ll only lead to more questioning, more restlessness. Even when it doesn’t make sense, pursue God and his plan for your life. When you start to wonder what this might be, read his word and do what it says. Don’t follow your ‘idea’ of what you think God might want in your life. Follow the written word. Simplify. Press forward. PUSH into God with all your might, even when everything in you is telling you to run.

When our hearts are in this vulnerable state we can’t always trust what they are telling us, this is why we need to rely on what God’s word is saying in this stage in our lives.

Even when it doesn’t make sense, remind yourself constantly that God’s will for your life will bring you satisfaction. And just keep doing what his word tells you to do.

There is an end to these feelings. Satan has an appointment for failure.

Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished!

Luke 1:45



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