My whole life I’ve felt like I am chasing after an elusive goal. I’ve felt like there is something out there, some invisible finish line, that will make me feel whole…like I’m there.
I’ve chased after this…thing…in all sorts of ways. First it was through jobs. I’m 29 now and I’ve had around 25 different jobs in my young life. Sometimes it was two or three jobs at a time, but still, that’s a lot of places to work in a short time. Then I got married and chased after this feeling of success through my marriage. I was married 5.5 years and my husband was pretty close to perfect. We had a great marriage for the most part, communicated well, respected each other, had a ton of fun, laughed a lot, accomplished goals…but still this wasn’t it. Within my marriage I tried running my own crafting business, nope, that didn’t get me there either. Then it was network marketing. Nope, not it. When these things didn’t work and I fell into emotional turmoil bordering, if not fully in, depression, I assumed it was my marriage that was wrong. I left my marriage and chased after this need for success in whatever other area I could. Men, sex, drinking, travel…but that place I was trying to reach was always just a little bit ahead of me.
Is it just me, or is this something that every one is running after?
I think we all have this drive, this feeling deep down, that we have a place to get to…a destination that will make us feel whole and complete. It’s like when we’re thirsty, it’s that feeling that until we get a big, cold, glass of water we won’t be satisfied. It’s almost a physical feeling in our heart. An ache. A need for more.
I know that I have been searching for the cure for this ache my whole life. My mom used to tell me that I was chasing after God and I thought she was ridiculous. Turns out the old saying is true. Your mother is always right (don’t hug me and cry when you read this ok Mom?). But it is true!
The ache in your heart for something more is a hole that God created. He made us with an urge to know him more. And us humans search for the cure in everything that we can see, touch and taste. We search for the cure for this unquenchable hunger in everything but the invisible.
The hole that God created can only be filled with him. He created us to have relationship with him and this doesn’t mean that we fulfill something inside him, because God is perfect and doesn’t need us in any way. But he created us to desire him and when we pursue that relationship we are the ones that are whole. God wants us to want him.
The fun thing is, it’s so simple. It’s so simple that it’s confusing. It’s not a job that we have to go through an interview process for. Or a business that needs to be developed from the ground up. It’s not a relationship that we need to search high and low for. It’s talking to God and reading his word. That is all. Everything else falls into place from there. Once we start talking to God, he starts talking to us. Once we start reading his word, we start living his word.
It’s confusing because for some reason us human’s cannot comprehend how this relationship will make us complete. It has to be more than that! There has to be something bigger! It can’t be God, it has to be a job that completes us…because once we get to a certain level in the company and earn that dollar mark…that’s when we will be happy…right? Because that’s when I’ll be able to buy that boat or travel to that place…right? It has to be the marriage that will satisfy me…because then he will make me laugh and he will hold me when I’m sad…right? And then I will feel like I’ve reached my place in life…right?
Love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence.
Matthew 22:37 MSG
Once we love God and run after him, everything else will fall into place.
I know, I have tried just about every other avenue. In everything else, I felt alone, incomplete and unsatisfied. Satan loves to lie to us. He loves to tell us that what we are really searching for are physical things. He loves to tell us that happiness can’t possibly be something as simple as prayer and reading and listening. But it is!
There’s a hole in our hearts that is an urge to know God more. Nothing else that we try to fill that hole with will fit. It’s shaped like our Father and everything else will just fall short of the mark.
If this feeling of satisfaction is so simple, what’s the arm in trying it? If it’s only prayer and reading and listening to God…isn’t it worth a shot?
Dare to feel like you’ve gotten there…