I just can’t stop the thoughts of how my life would have been different if I had put my energy into God and following his path, rather than my other interests. Network marketing, crafts, trips…if it had all been centered around God, what a huge difference my life would have had!
Instead of going to Vegas for training for my business, what if I had gone to Seattle for a Women of Faith conference? It’s the same thing, women gathering together for training and entertainment and their passion, but it’s based around God. The excitement is still there, the concentrated learning, the energy and excitement…but it’s God!
I was looking for satisfaction in all the wrong places. I was looking to reach ‘that place’ where I was full and felt like I had reached my goal. But no matter what I tried, it never came. I didn’t want kids before I had traveled the world more. So we traveled to Europe…but when we got home, I still wasn’t ‘feeling it’. And so we postponed the talks of children until I felt like I was closer to getting to that place. I put my energy into my home business, “knowing” that I only had to reach a certain point and then I could dedicate my energy to having a baby…but that point never came for whatever excuse I gave at the time.
There is a hole in your heart that will never be filled with the temporary satisfactions that life has to offer…it can only be filled with God. God created us to have a yearning for him, a feeling in our souls that nothing else will complete but him. And sometimes it takes a while for us to realize that everything we are pursuing, a job, a house, kids, appreciation, travel, toys…nothing else will calm that yearning but God. He has created us to be in relationship with him and nothing else, nothing else!, we strive after will even come close to the excitement and fulfillment we find by chasing after him!
It’s thanksgiving weekend here in Canada and I am alone this weekend. My family is all out of town for various reasons, and my friends are busy with their families, my husband is estranged, my life in every single way according to the world is lonely and pathetic. But I have never felt so full, so blessed, so satisfied and completely FULL of joy ever before.
My passion has become God. I am so hungry for his word, for his presence, for filling this God shaped hole in my heart, that I am satisfied with my simple life even though I have nothing that the world says I should have in order to be happy. I know that this will be a constant learning curve in my life, I haven’t figured it all out and I am no expert in anything. But I know now that as long as I chase after my God, the God that created me and knows every last detail about me – past, present and future – I will be more satisfied in life than ever before.
Some mornings I wake up and think “God, I know you have told me to be here, but I can’t do this.” Some nights I go to bed crying, wondering what the heck I’m doing. But God always, always, sends me hope and shows me that he is still here to fill me up when I am empty.
When I would sit in those training conferences, over 8,000 around me, all vibrating with excitement, happy to see each other and on the edge of their seats to listen to the speakers…I would look around and wonder “What if we did this for God? What if I went to my friends to tell them about God instead of skin care? What if I paid to go to a conference to hear about God and not our newest product?” I wish I had listened to that little voice in my head that was saying “This is what I want for you”. I have finally woken, he has taken the scales off of my eyes, grabbed my hand, he is keeping me, he is opening my blind eyes, he is setting me free from captivity, he is bringing me from darkness into light (Isaiah 42:6-7).
I can’t even describe to you the passion I have in my heart for living for God! It’s so exciting it’s bubbling up and almost exploding out of me!
Rough days will come, dark days will come, but push through every single day in time with God and he is faithful! He will meet you in that place, he will help you through and fill you with a joy like you have never even dreamed of experiencing!
I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do, I will not forsake them.