I’ll be honest. Tonight is a rough night. As I’m researching verses on prayer and thinking about ‘pushing through’ and ‘leaning into God’, it’s really the last thing I have energy for.

“God, I can’t do this!” I’m not feeling well and I’m exhausted and all I want is to be wrapped in my husband’s arms, feel his strong shoulder on my cheek and hear his voice say “Aw Kate, you’re having a rough day hey?”

I turned to 1 Peter 5:6 & 7

Humble yourselves therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

Humble yourselves. Well I feel humble right now. Leaning more towards pathetic, actually. Unworthy. Weak. God, you have asked me to do this and you need to carry me right now because I can’t do this on my own. You have said that you will give us what we need to get through points like this in our struggles, and right now God, I just need to see that you’re here with me.

The word “cast” reminds me of fly fishing. I’ve never been fly fishing, but I’ve watched The River Runs Through It and I figure that’s just as good (oh look, my sense of humor is still in tact!). When you watch a fisherman cast his line, he doesn’t do it with aggression or force, he casts it with confidence and ease. Right now, that’s the only way I can cast my anxiety on God. I don’t have the strength to be firm or forceful or to pray with power. I just have enough energy to have confidence that God hears my prayers and will help me with the burden of this moment. I’m going to gently, quietly, remind him that I am here, spill my heart aches to him and allow him to flood over me. That’s all I can do, that’s all I have room for right now.

My God won’t forget about me, he won’t pass by me. He has brought me here for a reason, told me things for a reason, shown me hope for a reason, and he will complete what he has started. But right now is not a loud, powerful, energetic battle. Right now is the moment for me to rest in his loving arms and trust that even when I can’t see anything, even when I feel exhausted, he’s not only holding me, he’s also working on the other side of my mountain.

Because he cares for me.

The Lord is a shelter for the oppressed, a refuge in times of trouble.

Psalm 9:9

Show me your unfailing love in wonderful ways. By your mighty power you rescue those who seek refuge from their enemies….Hide me in the shadow of your wings.

Psalm 17:7&8b

O my people, trust in him at all times. Pour out your heart to him, for God is our refuge.

Psalm 62:8

He is my loving ally and my fortress, my tower of safety, my rescuer. He is my shield, and I take refuge in him.

Psalm 144:2

My God cares for me. He is my refuge when times are hard. He is my shelter when the storm is raging around me. He is what I need, when I need it.

He cares for me.

He holds me when I’m hurting and desires the best for me. This is a passing moment. A moment where there will only be one set of footsteps in the sand. But soon there will be two again and God will have given me the strength I need to continue on the path he has set me on.

It’s so comforting to know that my God is more powerful than anything out there. When life gets to much, I can collapse in his arms and he will fight for me until I recover, and even after, thank goodness. He is a strong tower, he holds me in the palm of his hands, he shelters me with his wings. He is the reason I am able to continue.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

2 Corinthians 12:9

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