I could be deemed as irresponsible. I was thinking about this yesterday. If someone looked at my life, the miniscule pay-cheques, the tiny room I am living in at my parents place…I could be labeled as lazy. There is no physical or visual reason for me to not get better job. Even another waitressing job. I’m good at what I do and there are places in town that are hiring. So why don’t I? And if I had a better job, I could afford my own place to live. That’s normal for a 29 year old, isn’t it? I mean, what girl this age actually lives with her parents still / again? And if I had a better job, I could do more things. I could save for those goals I would love to have. The traveling, the household items, the new vehicle, the clothes. Isn’t that what everyone wants?

Why not?

God, that’s why not.

And I can completely understand if this sounds strange to people!

Is it an excuse to be lazy? To live carefree for a while? If you know me, you know this isn’t the case. I am a hard worker, being the oldest of eight kids does this to a person (insert winky face). I would love to have a better paying job and more financial freedom. I would love to have my own place and decorate. But when God put something so strongly on your heart, there is no way you can deny it.

There is a reason I am at the job that I am at. I don’t know what it is, but I know that God led me there and wants me to stay for a while.

As soon as I listened to him and made arrangements to move back to my hometown, I knew that I needed to apply at this job. I don’t know why, there are a few other (better) restaurants I could have applied to, but this place was on my heart. So, being human and slightly skeptical, I applied at two restaurants. One that had a sign outside saying they were hiring, and the restaurant that I am now at – who told me they were not hiring at the time. The first place that I applied, although they were hiring, took two months to call me back about my resume. The place that was on my heart to apply to, that said they were not hiring, called me back the next day and I was working the day after that.

I would not feel right about moving on to another job right now. My conscience would never allow it. And I am so grateful for that! I know that when the time is right, God will free my conscience entirely so that I feel like moving on is a smart thing to do. But until then, I know just by how my gut feels about this job, that however lacking the money is, it’s where I am supposed to be.

The verse “Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well” (Matt. 6:33) randomly came to mind today. This verse is in a kids song that we used to sing. I looked it up to see what it meant by “as well”. What is to be given to us if we seek God’s kingdom and righteousness? Clothes and food and drink.

And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you – you of little faith? So do not worry, saying “what shall we eat?” or “what shall we drink?” or “what shall we wear?”. For the pagans run after all these things and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.”

Matt 6:28-32

I had forgotten that the “seek first” part was in the same section of verses as the “do not worry” part…

I don’t need to worry about what I am going to eat, or when / how I am going to shop for clothes next or even how I am going to put gas in my car. God knows that I need these things! He tells me that all I need to do is run after a relationship with him and he will provide for all of my needs!

And another thing I am learning that he will provide, as we are living a simple life, striving after him: Contentment in the simplicity.

There are times when I look around me and wonder what the heck I have done. When I take my focus off of God, everything does get overwhelming and my place in life doesn’t make sense. But when I keep my focus on God and do what he says, seek God and his righteousness, everything else seems to fade. It becomes unimportant. When I focus on God and my relationship with him, I realize that he will provide everything I need. A home, clothes, food…

My life doesn’t make sense to many people because it’s not the norm. Not only that, it’s not normal for me. While I was living my own rebellious life, I loved the busyness of it. I loved shopping and being stylish, I loved finding new and unique restaurants, I loved the idea of buying my very own home and thinking about upgrading my vehicle…I loved being independent and working towards wealth and the lifestyle that would come with it. I loved traveling and was making plans to have a big trip once a year.

My life now may seem irresponsible and I get it if people look at me and think that I am ‘struggling’ or at a low place in life, especially compared to what I used to have and who I used to be. But I know that wherever I am meant to be, God will provide a way for me to be there. He provided a way for me to move home, he will provide a way for me to have my own home if and when necessary. Until then, I am so grateful that he is providing me with the patience and contentment to live where I am with what I have.

We don’t have to worry about a single thing. If we seek HIM first, he will provide everything we need.

 

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