After my husband went ahead with his wedding (well if that isn’t a strange sentence…!) I learned a lot about myself. I learned that I’m a spoiled brat when I don’t get my own way. I learned that I put up big walls around my heart when I’m hurt. I learned that it’s hard for me to even trust God when things don’t go my way. I learned that I specialize in the silent treatment when I don’t like what is happening around me. And I learned that it freaks me out to be vulnerable and weak but that I put up a good front.
I was really hurt when the wedding still happened, regardless of my prayers. I fasted for the week before and still God decided to let it happen? So I closed myself off. Of course, there is always a processing period after big things like this happen in anyone’s life, but after I felt like I was ‘past’ this part of the process, over the emotional rollercoaster stage, I felt like I had built up a wall between God and I.
I used to pray and tell God that I surrendered my life to him, that I lay myself, my marriage and my husband at the foot of the cross and gave control of our situation up to him. For some reason, before the wedding, it wasn’t too hard to pray this. Maybe it was because I didn’t know what else to do, I had no control over anything so allowing God to take the reigns wasn’t difficult. But after the wedding, to even think these words…the moment they crossed my mind, I shut them out. I didn’t act on trying to control my circumstances, but I didn’t allow my heart to completely surrender to God either.
It wasn’t until about a week ago that I was finally able to utter the words “Ok God, this is yours again, take control. Take my life, my marriage and my husband and do whatever you need to do in order to mold our lives into your plan.”
It hurt to say these words. It was an effort. I had to convince myself it was ok to let go again.
But then I experienced those answers to prayer. Which, by the way, by the end of the day turned out to be four…four answers to four big prayers…not prayers for me to have an easy day, or to see a rainbow…but big big requests…crazy right?
And I’m wondering. Do you think that God was waiting for me to surrender control of my life to him again before he allowed me to see those miracles? Do you think he was waiting until I gave him the reigns again to show me that he had been working in the background all along?
The more I have relinquished to God, the more I see him work. The less I control, the more God shows me miracles. God is constantly working at showing us that he is on our team. Not only is he on our team, he’s not just another player in the field that might…just might…help score…he’s the guaranteed goal. Sometimes we think that if we just take the ball up the field ourselves, we’ll have a good shot. And we might have a good shot, but that’s all it will be, a shot. If we would just allow God to take the ball up he will show us just how amazing he is, he’ll get the goal every single time.
It’s scary to give God control of our lives. It’s unpredictable and takes a ton of trust. We have all been raised with the thought that if we aren’t set up, if we don’t have a certain amount of money in the bank or a comfy home or a dependable vehicle, or even a credit card, we’re not being responsible. But what if we gave this stuff up, or the control of these things up, and just depended upon the Great Provider? What if we put ourselves in a spot of dependence upon him? Is that a crazy thought or is that just applying what we read in the Bible?
The other day I canceled my overdraft. A week or so earlier I canceled my credit card. I don’t want to be in a spot where I depend on debt to get me through a tough spot. I have very little money to my name, my wage covers my bills, but just. But I want to be in a spot where, if I’m meant to have extra money, I have to trust that God will provide. I don’t want to have a life where I don’t have to depend on him just because that’s what we do in North America, we set ourselves up for the safe and comfortable.
Honestly, what fun is that?? Have you ever seen God work? Have you ever prayed for something and it’s actually happened??
If we were created to have relationship with God and bring glory to him in everything we do, why wouldn’t we set ourselves up to experience him? Instead, North Americans set themselves up to experience ‘life’. It’s no wonder we’re restless and searching for something to fill the void we all feel inside. We’ve set ourselves up for boredom. For typical, predicable lives where we’ve made God a quick prayer and a Sunday morning.
Our God hasn’t changed from the God in the Bible. He still preforms miracles. Why limit him to blessing our meal or keeping us safe? Why not give him control and ask to see something crazy?
Yesterday, when I went to work, I prayed for money. Again. And instead of walking away with the typical $40 or so in tips (if that), I walked away with just over $100.
Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.
I challenge you to take steps to give up control of your life to God. When you start to allow him to work, he will show you how powerful he really is.