But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
2 Corinthians 12:9
I did many things wrong in my marriage and ultimately, I am the one that walked away from it. It’s easy to focus on the things I did wrong and the difficulties we had. It’s a huge event in my life and my family’s life, and it’s very easy to be reminded that divorce happened and I lived a rebellious and wild lifestyle. Not only that it happened, but that in the process I did many things I regret and hurt many people around me.
I am not with my husband right now. I am living a single lifestyle out of my parents home, in a bedroom that barely has room for my belongings, as little as they are.
When I left my husband I drove 9 hours in -30c weather with nothing but my clothes, my dog and a few house-hold decorations. After a while I had to stop every hour to tighten the straps on the crates on the roof of my car because the frost was making them slide around. I made it to my new home, a cheap bedroom in a house that I would be sharing with a couple roommates, at 1am, exhausted and without a bed to fall into. I slept on the floor that night with my dog cuddling me and barely had enough money to buy a mattress the next day.
I left with nothing and I thought I would gain everything.
And I did, in a way. Within a week I had a great job, the best wage I had ever earned. I had friends that lived down the street, I quickly had a social life and I was close to my newly pregnant sister. I had dates and offers for dates coming out of my ying-yang.
It’s easy to focus on all of these things, and it’s even easy to regret giving all of these things up. For faith. Faith in the unseen. Faith in the impossible.
Like I said, it’s so easy to focus on the sins. I left my husband. That is a sin (1 Cor. 7:10). I slept with other men. That is a sin (Exodus 20:14). I divorced my husband. That is a sin (Matt. 19:9).
But HIS grace is sufficient for me. HIS power is made perfect in my weakness.
God allowed me to be brought to a place of weakness and complete brokenness so that I, and others, could see that he is powerful! So that we could see that he saves the lost, he heals the broken and he loves the hopeless. It wasn’t enough for him to just tell me this, I had been taught all of these things since I was a kid. God needed to show me this first hand so that I could experience his grace and mercy and feel his love like I have never felt before.
He needed me to feel it and know it for a fact. It isn’t just something people talk about, it’s true. God’s love and grace are unconditional. There is NOTHING that can separate us from the love of God (Romans 8:39).
It’s not funny when people run from God, it’s not funny when we look at them and wonder if it’s even possible that they will come back to him. But at the same time, knowing where I have been and how hard my heart was to God and God’s people, and the drastic change that God made in my heart for my marriage and husband, I just chuckle when I see people trying to run from God.
Go ahead, run and try to hide from him. He won’t leave you, you know. He’s right beside you the entire time. He’s waiting patiently for the day that you will realize he’s been holding your hand the entire time. He’s right there, waiting for you to realize that no matter what you do, he loves you. His plan, his way, is better than anything you could ever attempt to plan out.
It doesn’t matter what you’ve done, it doesn’t matter how fast you’ve run, God is waiting for you. His grace is sufficient for you. His love will fill you. He will make you whole.
There’s no point in running. I’ve tried it. You can never outrun God.
And by running, you’re only proving that his grace IS enough. You’re proving the Bible right by running away from him. Because he will show you one day that everything he was telling you all along is true. He loves you no matter what, he is with you always, you are his child, and his joy is like nothing else you’ve ever experienced.
One day, you will realize that the little voice you heard in the back of your mind was the Holy Spirit leading you towards God. You’ll realize that, even when you didn’t know it, God was orchestrating every single little and huge event in your life to fit into the plan he has for you.
And you’ll look back and wonder why you didn’t listen to him sooner.