For the time being, I work part-time as a waitress.

When I was considering moving back to my hometown, you know, before God literally told me on the top of a mountain to move back, God put it on my mind to apply for a job at Boston Pizza. A couple days after I came back to town I applied, untrustingly, to two places instead of just the one, for a waitressing position; Mr. Mikes, where they had a sign outside saying they were hiring, and Boston Pizza, where the manager told me when I applied that they weren’t hiring.

A day after applying to Boston Pizza, where they apparently weren’t hiring, I was called in for an interview, I was hired and on the schedule the next day. Mr. Mikes, where they were advertising a need for waitresses, took two months to call me back.

Again, rolling my eyes at myself, why can’t I just be trusting? What would it have hurt to only apply to Boston Pizza and say “Ok God, I give up control on this, I trust you”. But nope, I had to attempt to control my situation just a bit more and apply to both jobs. Only to be shown once more that control was definitely something I don’t have over my life.

No matter how much you think you’re in control of your life and circumstances, you’re not. What you have is from God, where you are is where God wants you, who you’ve become is who God has allowed you to become.

I used to wonder why leaving my husband was so easy for me.

Just over two years ago, I left my “perfect” life and beautiful husband to pursue “myself”. I found a place to live easily, within a week I had a great job with the best wage I had ever earned, friends that lived just down the street, I was in the same city as my sister, my social life was amazing…it was all so easy. So doesn’t that mean it’s right? When something comes easy doesn’t that mean it’s where you’re “supposed to be”?

But now I’m realizing that God had allowed me to have all these things, to become the party animal I was and to enjoy the attention from other men so regularly, in order to show me that even though it’s what I thought I wanted and what I thought would make me happy, it wasn’t and it didn’t. He allowed me to have my new job, he allowed me to have my new house, he allowed me to become the person I thought I was “meant to be”…all to show me that it wasn’t at all what I wanted. It didn’t make me feel whole or satisfied, it didn’t make me feel complete. It didn’t quench that unending desire in me…

He allowed.

HE allowed!

In order to show me that HE was the only one that could fill that desire, he allowed me to pursue a rebellious and sinful life, so that I could see, not just be told, that only he could fill that space in my heart.

Sometimes life is easy because God is involved. And other times life is easy because God is involved.

Leading a rebellious life was “easy” because God was involved. He was letting it be easy for me to prove a point. Coming back to him was easy because God was involved. He was making it easy so he could prove a point. I could live an easy, rebellious life, focused on the now, focused on being selfish and denying the emptiness it creates and the pit in my soul that isn’t being filled. Or I could live an easy life with God in control, leading the way, opening doors when they’re meant to be open, and trusting that he is in control…and on top of this feel FULL and SATISFIED. Maybe “simple” is a more appropriate word instead of “easy”. Life with God isn’t always “easy” it’s “simple”. Simply trust in him, simply give up control, simply spend time with him, simply watch him work.

I think I’ll pick the easy life, the simple life, with God, because my soul finally feels like it’s home.

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